Families are a blessing from God and are wonderful but they are not always easy. Every relationship you have is with a fallible human being. Not only can we get it wrong but we all carry baggage from our upbringing and family history. It is important that you take the first step in helping your family deal better with conflict. It is an inevitable thing to have conflict, but it doesn't always have to be devastating.

Part of the struggle with conflict is within us where we tend to try and protect ourselves from being hurt or "in the wrong".

Here are some realities to understand when trying to deal with conflict Jesus' way

• Conflict causes us to point the finger and blame someone else
  
  • James 4:1-2 shares how we tend to get into conflict because we aren't getting what we want. At times we can be in search of something only God can give us. We will always be disappointed or in conflict when you are trying to get things out of people that only God can provide.
  • When we realize others can't give us what we want, we tend to kill the relationship rather than build it God's way.
• What if instead of looking at the other person as the enemy, we looked at our selfishness as the enemy?
  
  • James 3:16 - What if we started to be more self-reflective and honest about our part in conflict. Starting with ourselves and being open to understanding where we have contributed to the problem is a great start to preserving the relationships we have.
• Own Your Part
  
  • Seeing the part you played in the conflict is important but it is important to own your role in being humble enough to apologize and fix it.
• Connection is more important than control
  
  • Maintain love over everything else. Scripture tells us to create and maintain peace if it is at all possible.
• Surrender Your Part
  
  • James 4:6 tells us God resists the proud or those full of pride. When we are more concerned about me, God can't fully intervene on our behalf.
  • Pride says I'm right and you need to know it. Humility says WE is more important than ME.
  • Look to preserve the life of the relationship and humble yourself so can receive God's grace.

Winning arguments is not a badge we should want to wear all the time. When winning is your argument is the goal, that means your goal includes someone else losing. If you want to win God's way, you will aim to preserve relationships and help everyone grow.