Groups Discussion Guide
Read Scripture. Go Deeper. Ask Questions. Take Action.
Built to last
Scripture
3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Main Idea
How do you build a marriage to last?
Look at Abraham and Sarah. Their marriage was far from perfect, but it lasted. Abraham was called away from the family business by God and Sarah followed. They moved from place to place and never really had a home. Sarah was offered to Pharaoh as a wife so they would not perish. They struggled with infertility and brought someone else into their marriage. They struggled as parents, but God still used them as a major part of Christianity. We can learn seven things from Abraham and Sarah.
Unbreakable faith
A marriage needs an unbreakable faith in God. Ecclesiastes 4:12 states, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." God is at the center and should be first, before your spouse, and before your children. Serve God together.
Order
God's order for marriage is clear. 1 Peter 3:1 says, "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,"
We get uncomfortable with the word "submit". Submission not a control issue. It's about choosing to put yourself under the guidance of your spouse out of love, humility, and trust. It is a heart issue. Submission is an influence strategy to partner together. It is a support and strengthening role.
1 Corinthians 11:3 says, "But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God."
Husbands, headship means you are responsible. When there's conflict, a crisis, you are responsible. You are responsible to set the spiritual climate.
Contentment
Abraham and Sarah were not wealthy when they were married. They built wealth together, but they learned that the secret was contentment. How do you be content with what you have? Do you have the wrong value system? 1 Peter 3:4 says, "Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." Keep an eternal perspective. All the things you have will eventually be in a garage sale some day. Are you living for an eternal reward?
Forgiveness
Your home can be destroyed by a natural disaster, but that is less likely than having your home destroyed by termites. Termites quietly infest your home like grudges, hurts, bitterness, and silent anger infest and erode your marriage.
Men, apologize first. Ask for forgiveness. Women, ask yourself if it's worth starting an argument over. If not, overlook it. We must learn to forgive and practice it.
1 Peter 3:8-10
8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For,
“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
Communion
Do not let other things be more important than your spouse. You must have common unity. What do you have in common? How do you laugh together? Do you workout? Cook? Have a favorite show? Communion builds intimacy.
Honor
Strong marriages are built on honor. Be considerate as you live with your spouse. Think about the other person in your habits and change them. Honor your spouse in what you say to them, honor your spouse in what you say to others.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Prayer
Pray for one another, practice your prayer. Pray for wisdom to resolve things and pray for thanksgiving.
Submission not a control issue. It's about choosing to put yourself under the guidance of your spouse out of love, humility, and trust. It is a heart issue.
Discussion Questions
- How is your faith in God? What has he done lately to show you he is faithful?
- Women, are you afraid of submission? Men, are you afraid of responsibility? What small steps can you take to better fill your role?
- When you say the word "discontent" out loud, what things come to mind? Do any of them match your behavior? How can you be content with what you have?
- Men, you are more manly if you apologize first. Women, choose your arguments carefully. When was the last time you apologized to your spouse for something? Is there anything that you should apologize for?
- Being on your phones in the same room isn't communion. What are you doing with your spouse on a regular basis? How are you laughing together?
- What was the last thing you said about your spouse to someone else? Was it honorable? What can you easily say out loud that would honor your spouse?
- How would you pray for your spouse if they were in the room vs praying alone? Do you think you could pray the same prayer?
Summary
Strong marriages require work, and even imperfect marriages like Abraham and Sarah can be blessed by God. Use their examples of faith, order, contentment, forgiveness, communion, honor, and prayer to build your marriage, brick-by-brick.
Take Action
Pick one thing for every day of the week and work on your faith, your role as a spouse, contentment, forgiveness, communion, honor, and prayer.
